In the previous parts of this series we outlined a general four-phase approach for dealing with tough communication situations: 1) minimal immediate response, aimed at buying time; 2) preparation; 3) problem-solving discussion; and 4) follow-through. We also discussed phase 1 in detail and showed what to do when you can't postpone the full discussion. Now let's see how to prepare effectively for the "main event."
The secret to successful preparation is a complete mind movie of the situation. This movie must include all likely alternative plots and at least one of these plots should have a happy ending. The happy-ending plots are the ones you need to hone in your preparation and rehearsal until they become overwhelmingly more likely than the ones with a sad ending.
To plot your mind movie, you can use a simple worksheet with these items: 1) what you want; 2) what you think the other person wants or needs; 3) how you think the two sides could be combined or reconciled; 4) what exactly you might say, how the other person might respond, how you could respond in turn, etc.; 5) the worst possible outcomes and your options for those worst cases.
The movie action grows out of the material in #4 the loop of I say, then he says, then I say, then he says. The key here is to script this conversation realistically until it results in some acceptable agreement. This is not just a matter of substance; tone, implications, and body language all contribute. So, once you get the basic plot right, you need to refine the details: Get the wording right; see yourself saying it; listen to how it sounds; think how you would react.
For example, suppose a colleague, Max, has been spreading rumors about you, implying professional incompetence. According to the rumors, you've botched several product development projects because you lack the most basic understanding of fiber properties. You decide to confront Max and stop these rumors.
On your movie worksheet you might note your needs as "Save my reputation and maintain a tolerable working relationship with Max." For Max's needs you might guess "Avoid major conflicts and protect his own reputation." Reconciling these needs is straightforward: You won't press your case if Max agrees to stop the rumors. Now your job is to develop the likely plots so you'll be prepared to overcome negative responses. To lead off you might say, "Max, I need to talk to you about something; it shouldn't take more than five minutes." Max might say, "Sure" or he might say he's too busy to meet anytime soon. What then? You could push for an early meeting with "I believe it's very important to both of us. I'd really like to take care of it as soon as possible because it will affect our work." Max might now agree to a meeting or he might demand to know what's so important that it can't wait. To avoid an awkward start of the discussio! ! n, you may reiterate the importance of the meeting without going into the subject.
Moving into the actual discussion, you might say, "It's come back to me that you've made some remarks about my handling of the X, Y, and Z projects remarks that imply that I am not competent about fiber properties." But listen to how that sounds; it's an attack signal that calls for counterattack ("I'm entitled to my opinion, am I not?") or denial ("What on earth are you talking about?"). Chances of a fruitful talk are better if you begin with an expression of respect and goodwill: "I'd like to start by saying that I respect you and I enjoyed working with you on the various teams that we were both assigned to. Now something has happened that is spoiling that, and I'd appreciate your help with clearing it up and moving back onto a good track."
When you do introduce the issue of the rumors, is there any way to avoid the denial? Yes indicate right away that you have specific evidence. And how could you counter the "I am entitled to my opinion" argument? Most effectively by showing that you are in fact knowledgeable about fiber properties.
Of course, you may not get that far in the first discussion. However, you should always walk away with some agreement. It may be no more than an agreement to "think about it and talk again tomorrow" but that's still valuable in that it moves the problem toward a solution.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't be prepared for the worst case as well. For instance, Max may just refuse to talk to you or persist in denial. Where will you take the issue to get satisfaction? Once you decide, you can let Max know what will happen. It may produce an agreement after all and, at the least, it should save you from an angry outburst at running into an unexpected roadblock.
In the previous article we saw how to prepare effectively for a difficult discussion by visualizing complete scenarios and then fine-tuning the most promising ones. Now let's see how to conduct the conversation successfully.
Unfortunately, you can't fake this; the fraud will be obvious. So you need to find something you can honestly appreciate or respect in the other person. If this proves impossible, look at his or her most annoying quality and consider the positive kernel of that quality. For instance, an irascible boss may be committed and intense; sarcastic people may be more honest or outspoken than average. When you think about that, you may find it easier to begin the conversation in a positive way. And if you can manage a confident smile as well, that will greatly magnify your persuasive powers.
Agreements don't happen accidentally. As any good salesperson will tell you, they come about only when you push for them. So, no matter how chaotic the discussion, keep aiming at the best agreement you can extract under the circumstances even if it's just to give the problem some thought and meet again.
Many people are completely thrown off by abusive or foul language. Unfortunately, emotional reactions are common in these situations. Decide beforehand how you will handle them, and chances are you won't lose your composure. For instance, you may just ignore the outburst and say, "Look, the issue is we're both not having a good time. There must be some way we can improve things. Let's both try to think of some solutions." If you keep coming back calmly to what you want, at some point even an aggravated person will run out of emotional steam and begin to cooperate!
NEW, IMPROVED JOB SERVICE: MORE, BETTER, FASTER - If you haven't checked out IEEE-USA's online job board and resume referral service lately, you're in for a pleasant surprise. The IEEE-USA Job Service has a new home at www.ieeeusa.org/jobs with more advanced search capabilities and more than twice the number of jobs as last year, with the total increasing daily.
The resume service is also one click away, and it's easier now to upload your information into the database where hundreds of major employers will see it. Employer searches of the database have increased 50% in the past three months; your next job could be trying to find you today.
The one thing that hasn't changed is the cost. All of the employment services are provided at no charge to IEEE members, proving the adage that the best things in life are free. Plans are in work for future upgrades and new services to generate still greater employment opportunities for members. Be sure to bookmark the site and check back frequently. And happy hunting!
IEEE-USA HELPS LAUNCH NEW TECHNICAL INFORMATION CENTER FOR STATE LEGISLATURES - The National Conference of State Legislatures has announced the creation of the Center for Technical Information, which will provide professional, timely and unbiased analysis and information to state legislators and their staff on engineering, technology and science issues. IEEE-USA is a partner in the Center and was one of five organizations to provide seed funding. See www.ncsl.org/programs/press/2000/pr000125.htm
RECORD TURNOUT FOR CONGRESSIONAL VISITS DAY - IEEE-USA recently participated in the fifth annual Congressional Visits Day (CVD), a two-day event that brings scientists, engineers, researchers, educators and technology executives to Washington, D.C., to meet with US congressional decision-makers. Sponsored by the Science-Engineering-Technology Work Group, CVD aims to raise visibility and support for the science, engineering and technology fields. Over 300 science and business leaders from more than 60 organizations were present - the highest turnout in the event's history. See www.ieeeusa.org/forum/cvd/2000/.
OTHER ACTIVITIES -
WHITE HOUSE REPORT ON SCIENCE & ENGINEERING WORKFORCE - On April 11, President Science Advisor Neal Lane released the latest report of the National Science and Technology Council on "Ensuring a Strong US Scientific, Technical, and Engineering Workforce in the 21st Century." The report states two "fundamental conclusions" about the US science, technology, and engineering workforce:
The report also states that "the potential shortage of skilled workers could have devastating consequences for the future. Since it takes many years to train a scientist or engineer, we must invest now to guarantee the availability of a skilled and competent workforce for the 21st century. We must not only educate future ST&E workers but also provide continuing education and retraining opportunities, because many individuals in today's ST&E workforce will probably change the type of work they do several times over the course of their careers." See: www.whitehouse.gov/WH/EOP/OSTP/html/00411_3.html.
ONLINE TRAINING PREPARES ENGINEERS TO HELP IN THE CLASSROOM - Explore the newly inaugurated Pre-College Engineer Training (PET) website. PET offers specific plans and step by step procedures to prepare engineers to serve as resources to pre-college educators, both in and out of the classroom. It addresses the growing world wide problem of technological illiteracy and enables engineers to contribute to its solution. See www.ieee.org/organizations/eab/pet.
HISTORY CENTER SITE WINS ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA AWARD - The IEEE History Center's Web site has been honored with an award from Encyclopedia Britannica - the Britannica Internet Guide Award. The site was chosen for its quality, accuracy and usability in the presentation of historical material. See www.ieee.org/organizations/history_center/website_awards.html.
IEEE PRESS OFFERS NEW BOOK ON TELECOMMUNICATIONS - The Disappearance of Telecommunications, a new book by IEEE Press, explains how the world of telecommunications will become seamlessly embedded in an expanded number of everyday products and services. Written by Roberto Saracco, Jeffrey R. Harrow and Robert Weihmayer, this book examines how the evolution of technology, services and culture will shape the future. For more information visit the IEEE Online Catalog & Store at shop.ieee.org/store/.
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Jean Eason, Editor